we're blogging at a bar
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Randomize
