$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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