Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
