Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
