Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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