I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
