Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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