I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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