help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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