in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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