put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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