I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize