My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
