I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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