Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
