you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
