We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
