my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
