She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
