I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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