Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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