Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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