I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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