i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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