my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
