i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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