people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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