i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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