i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
