just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
