no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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