We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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