Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
