I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
