she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
