margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
