She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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