watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
