her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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