Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
