apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
