her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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