Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
