What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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