Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
