i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
