woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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