My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
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