fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Farmville is her only friend.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
