So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.