I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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