he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?