went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
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We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
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I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?