My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting