OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.