opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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