If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
