this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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