will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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