Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
