I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
