If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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