idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
