Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
