i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
