he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
