Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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