Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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