He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
