He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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