Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize