not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
