Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
