I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize