So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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