Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
