I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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